


that was june (and now it's october)

by nothingbutniall



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: F/M, Introspection, M/M, WTFock Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 22:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21186659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingbutniall/pseuds/nothingbutniall
Summary: "Nothing makes sense anymore, until it does."(A short fic about feelings, from the almost-kiss with Milan until meeting Sander.)





	that was june (and now it's october)

**Author's Note:**

> This is an attempt at processing my feelings about Robbe and Sander. Sweetest, most precious babies ❤️
> 
> (Title comes from Lauv's f*ck, i'm lonely.)

Sometimes when Robbe closes his eyes, he still sees the hurt on Milan's face.

It'd been harsh, pushing him away and calling him faggot, but at the time, it hadn't felt like there was another option. Not with all those eyes on them. Not when Moyo and Jens have been making subtle and less subtle digs at him for months.

Robbe always laughs it off, because it's all he can do, right? Moyo an Jens don't actually hate gay people, it's just jokes. It's just boys being boys.

Right?

They joked about it after Senne’s party, too. How people like Milan can't keep their hands off anyone that comes too close.

Robbe had laughed with them.

The voice inside his head wanted him to protest. Wanted him to tell them he's like Milan, too, and yet he's never tried anything with them.

It’s not a voice he listens to often. He usually pushes it somewhere deep in the back of his brain, where he can only hear a distant echo.

And anyway, it’s not like he is actually like Milan. Kissing girls doesn't do much for Robbe and he's had that crush on Jens, but that doesn't mean he's, like, _gay_ gay.

Just a bit gay.

Maybe.

***

Summer so far has been hard, in more ways than one.

It doesn’t help that the heatwave means half of Belgium's population, the halve that Robbe is interested in, spends most days walking around shirtless.

Jens nearly walks into a door looking back at a girl wearing a short-cut dress.

Moyo likes any girl’s bikini picture on Instagram.

Robbe… Robbe tries not to stare when the cute waiter puts down his drink in front of him, tanned hand looking like it’d be soft to the touch.

But he doesn’t touch, and he doesn’t stare, and he doesn’t say anything to his friends.

It's not like Robbe doesn't like girls, because he does. Girls are great, the future is female, all that.

Just not _his_ future.

For a while, he use to think turning sixteen might solve things, but if anything, things have only got more confusing. Before, he could get away with not having a proper relationship, with flirting without aiming for anything more.

Now, it seems more serious. He's not a baby teen anymore, he's a nearly mature teen, and that status comes with responsibilities. One of those includes falling in love and having a first serious relationship with a girl.

Society’s heteronormativity didn’t use to bother Robbe, but now, there’s an unsettled feeling in his stomach any time people talk about girls liking boys and boys liking girls.

***

When Robbe turned twelve, his mother gave him a book about puberty. It mentioned that there are girls who like girls, and boys who like boys, and people who like both.

He knows that. Other people know that.

And still, it doesn’t usually seem to be an option in people’s minds.

Robbe isn’t even sure it’s an option in his own mind.

***

September comes and goes quietly. School seems fun the first week, but come October, the enthusiasm is long forgotten.

It rains most days, and Robbe’s hair goes even curlier from all the moisture in the air.

Noor likes to run her fingers through it, and it makes his scalp itch. Kissing her makes gives him an itch, too, one he can’t quite shake off. He wonders if that’s what love feels like.

***

Nothing makes sense anymore, until it does.

***

His name is Sander.

There is a universe hiding behind the stars in his eyes.

***

Something about Sander makes Robbe forget to put up the walls around his heart. They’ve not even known each other for an hour before they make fools of themselves in the supermarket, and Robbe feels the judgmental looks of the other customers on his back, but he couldn’t care less.

Not when there is a blue-eyed boy with icy hair spinning them around in the middle of a supermarket aisle. Robbe feels a bit like he’s dreaming, mind dizzy. He’s not sure if it’s the spinning, or just Sander.

For the first time in a while, things feel easy. He doesn’t have to think about his mum being ill, his friends being dicks, Noor being clingy. All he has to focus on is making sure Sander actually ends up getting _something_ that could pass as dinner.

The easy banter between them triggers a sense of familiarity he hasn’t felt in a long time, like they used to know each other, before. In another life, another universe.

***

They’re out on the beach, later that night. Britt’s head is resting in Sander’s lap and Robbe’s got his arms around Noor, her back to his chest. Jens is playing guitar again, Aaron and Moyo making up dumb songs to the melody, and the girls are discussing Halloween costumes.

It gives Robbe the chance to observe Sander without anyone noticing.

In the light of the moon, he looks even more ethereal, his hair glowing silver, the night’s shadows sculpting his jawline.

Robbe’s eyes drift down to where Sander’s hand rests on Britt’s stomach, thumb drawing slow circles where her jumper has ridden up slightly. He’s not sure how she can lay there so peacefully. Sander’s touch felt electric on his back, earlier, and just the thought of it sends another shiver down his spine.

He lets out a deep sigh and buries his nose in Noor’s hair, breathing her in, and wonders if he could get away with just… not going to bed tonight.

He wants to stay here, hear the rustle of the waves, watch the reflection of the stars in the water, feel the cold seep into his bones from the sand underneath him.

Suddenly, Sander jumps up and runs towards the sea. Britt rolls her eyes at him and tells them: “He’s a bit impulsive sometimes.”

Noor laughs, and Robbe bites the inside of his cheek, fighting down the urge to chase after Sander.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated. You can also find me on Twitter (@nothingbutniall)!


End file.
